An animal in the presidency

From last Monday and until the day before yesterday, Friday, it took place without incidents worthy of special mention, except for the conspicuous absence of a few leaders ―some for being unpresentable, such as the members of Trío Calavera (Miguel Díaz-Canel, Nicolás Maduro and Daniel Ortega), others for spoiled (Luis Arce, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, Alejandro Giammattei, Xiomara Castro, Nayib Bukele) and one for the effects of the coronavirus (Luis Lacalle Pou)―, the IX Summit of the Americas. Surprise, and loop the loop, could have been a sudden appearance of Juan Guaidó in LA, even if it was only to attend the concert of the city’s philharmonic, under the direction of his compatriot, Gustavo Dudamel, on the occasion of the 100 years of the orchestra. When I have to deal with events such as this multinational rhetorical tournament, in which everyone brings their own sardine to the grill, I usually rely on information published in the media of the host country; I was surprised, however, not to find relevant news or opinions about the «summit» nor in the New York Times nor in the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times if he dealt with the matter and privileged information alluding to marches, protests and demonstrations promoted by the excluded. Perhaps, the subject to be discussed is avoided by the press of the most desired destiny of the displaced with the intention of not encouraging vain hopes. The triplicate exclusion of undesirable regimes due to their sustained violation of human rights and civil liberties was the excuse used by the ex-guarimbero of the Zócalo for not appearing at the Los Angeles appointment: he sent, yes, his foreign minister, for that of “poor Mexico, so far from God and so close to the United States”, and because with Uncle Sam and Canada your country signed a free trade agreement with 8 sections, 22 chapters and 2,000 pages, and just look, even if we wanted to and if we wanted to, we didn’t want to because if we wanted to we would step on one and stand up to the gringo requires, in addition to a large ladder and a small one, a couple of well-placed spheroids, and don’t think of me as a cantinflero but as a mere anti-imperialist with my mouth out and in. It is necessary and I must swallow what I said,

Mexico is a bullfighting country and the festivity, on the verge of extinction due to pressure from well-thinking animal protectors, was considered a show “of ancestry and tradition”, capable of gathering crowds and arousing passions in the different squares where it is still practiced, and AMLO, I conjecture, may not be a regular on posh posters, but surely, during his proselytizing days, he attends bull runs with shaved steers in a boot, cigar and Cordovan hat, or performs in front of a mirror veronicas and chicuelinas with the jacket or the paletó as a capote. Solo bullfighting, like his rudeness and postures in search of taking over the continental leadership of the left-wing São Paulo and Puebla forum. But, I’m afraid, I’ve wasted too much gunpowder on this buzzard and I must manage the cartridges based on scarcity: we have other targets in our sights, like Gilberto Mendoza Alvarado.

Gilberto Jr. inherited from his father the presidency of the World Boxing Association (WBA), one of the 4 organizations that sponsor world competitions in all categories of the so-called sport of cauliflowers, an unhappy metaphor for the deformities caused by blows to the ears of boxers; and I say badly named because boxing, like horse racing, is an inseparable competition from betting and therefore lends itself to all sorts of arrangements and marramuncias by high-flying mafiosi operating as promoters. Hence the multiplication of associative organs. And cauliflower.

Mr. Mendoza, on behalf of the WBA or WBA whore, awarded Nicolás Maduro an “honoris causa” boxing championship. The information, concise and confusing as the news inherent to rewards for received favors tends to be, does not specify the dimensions and category of the laurel; given the size and appearance of the anointed, we assume heavyweight. What were Mendoza’s dividends in giving and giving? If we stick to his effusive gratitude ―”Thank you, president, and you have my word that, with our development programs, good boxing is coming to this country”―, the man put on Rafito Cedeño’s boots or gloves and Don King and perhaps even give him the Polyhedron or the New Circus in kind concession.

And speaking of concessions, before the arrival in Ankara of the bolicastrista tendril, the Bey Recep Tayyip Erdogan had to squeeze his hands with relish similar to that of a wayward lady evoking a tattoo in remembrance of a last trip to Constantinople. This one was sent to me by God, the heavens must have ruminated for himself the largest buyer of Venezuelan gold, scourge of the Kurds and one of the five vertices of the pentagon of survival of Nicochavism ―the others are, as is known but it is worth repeating, China , Cuba, Iran and Russia―. Nicolás traveled to Turkey in search of the coppers that the inept revolutionary administration and the “economic miracle” of still lifes, casinos and show business are unable to generate. We will already hear his extravagant lies upon his return from the Eurasian and African journey. Cobero like Chavez and Pinocchio, and a face of I was not such that of the doll born in the imagination of Carlo Colodi, the man from Havana in Caracas is weaving his spider web to ensnare stubborn vote maniacs like flies. Fortunately, for the promoters of the dialogue (the United States, the European Union and the disputed Norway) a free, transparent and supervised electoral process is the focal point of any negotiation between the Miraflores squatters and the Unitarian Platform. For this reason, the phrenologist Rodríguez puts impassable rocks on the way to Mexico, such as the Inadmissible, crazy Russian interference and the impossible presence of Alex Saab.

Regardless of the convenience and feasibility of resuming the interrupted conversation, a polling company stunned the suitors of the motley opposition to the most desired public office, by placing Manuel Rosales in the first place of preferences to face Maduro in 2024. As a result of chance, I presume, such a revelation converged with the arrival in the country of three white lions to be exhibited at the Caricuao zoo, where an albino giraffe also lives. These curious specimens become stellar attractions in parks and animal reserves and some acquire international notoriety such as Snowflake, a world-famous white gorilla who died in 2003, the pride of the Barcelona Zoo, Spain; Snowdrop the penguin, from Bristol, England; and Claude the crocodile from California. Could Bolívar’s white horse be an albino?

The zoological digression is not free. It comes to mind with regard to the long-awaited and questioned elections of 2024. Because if the opposition fan fails to agree on a unitary option, we should start thinking about the possibility of applying for one of those snowy specimens. The idea has precedents. In 1959, in the municipal elections of Rio de Janeiro, the cariocas deposited in the polls more than 100,000 ballots with the name of a hippopotamus ―or a rhinoceros, I don’t remember―, the popular Cacareco, and he was the most voted of the candidates. Unfortunately he was not registered or registered with the governing body of the process. And in 1988, Tiao, the most famous monkey in Brazil, won 400,000 votes in an election for deputies. It was preferable to choose a hippopotamus or a monkey and not some donkeys, although in the thirties of the last century, Kenneth Simmons, mayor of Milton (Washington, United States), proposed Boston Curtis as his successor. «This candidate did not campaign, did not present a program, nor did he participate in any debate; however, he prevailed with an advantage of 51 votes. Too late the city found out about his blunder. The new burgomaster… he was a mule!”

After so many mistakes and blunders, embarking on an irreverent adventure and with some of the underlying surrealism in the cases cited, could conjure the Bolivarian curse and put an end to the eternity ambition of Maduro, Padrino & Co., and maybe we will have a future Summit of the Americas to a white Lion. Or a giraffe. After all, Aquiles Nazoa said, Venezuela is a country of animals.

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